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FearHow can a human live in peace when their every move is being watched?
When they’re an inch away of getting locked up?
They told me:
“What you see is fake
What you hear is fake
Even what you think is fake
Your reality is different from other people’s realities.”
This wouldn’t have been a problem if they hadn’t told me my reality is fake.
We all have different views on life.
You can trust your senses.
You can trust your thoughts, your emotions.
I can not.
The things I see, you don’t see.
The things I hear, you don’t hear.
The things I think, don’t make sense.
I never believed a word of it, until it all came crashing down.
I’m forced to believe. I’m being trained to be normal.
But I am real. And I am not crazy.
I am real. And so are my feelings.
Dear deviantART: Free The Author
In a world as colorful, diverse, unique and beautiful as it is today, I’ve learned through my 10 months on this website that many people enjoy expressing themselves in many different ways when it comes to art.
Whether it be through romance, nature, darkness, light or everything else there is to express with, it becomes even more interesting when I see the people express themselves with so many different mediums.
Myself? I enjoy expressing my artistic abilities through many mediums: Digital art, poetry, but most avidly, the xReader fandoms. Avengers, Sherlock, Free!, Shingeki no Kyojin and many, many others.
99% of my stories are romantic. I love to write romance, though I usually don’t take it much further than a little something like a sweet little kiss, the beginning of a new relationship, a baby being born, or occasionally, the odd sexual innuendo. Once, I tried writing a lemon. However it didn’t work out very well, and I decided to remove it for personal reasons.
My ConfessionI never really thought about my lack of sexual interest before society confronted me with it.
It took me quite a while to notice guys as anything more than "other people", and when I did, it was more a group pressure thing than real interest.
I even had a boyfriend then, but not because I particularly liked the guy. Having a boyfriend in your teens is a status symbol. Have one, you're cool, have none, you're not.
Of course, back then things weren't that clear to me. I went with the flow.
For a very long time, I wondered what is wrong with me that I don't enjoy sex, that It makes me feel awkward and that I have no desire to go out and date. Society made me believe it is wrong to be like that. I was ashamed of myself, of my flaws and my obvious failure of being a full-fledged human being.
You define yourself through others. You try to figure out who you are, and you look at others for guidance, for something you can identify with. But you only limit yourself with that, and not finding si
seems like a bluri wish that people were more transparent.
we're all skin and bones and most of the things that keep us awake and that break our bones is so internalized
and completely invisible. cause most of the time living kind of feels like i've spent countless hours spinning around in circles, and now i'm just trying to keep my stomach from rising, or my eyes from leaking every last liquid i have inside me while the world rushes so inconceivably fast.
i know that i can heal.
skin grows over deep wounds, and even the whitest mountainous scar tissue fades. but i dont know if the external matches the inside. the cuts have healed and the bruises are starting to disappear, but i dont know how your head is feeling. you might not have the black and blue lining your skin anymore, but your insides might still be threatening to drown you, or make you wish you could just stop existing for a little while. you dont know whats happening underneath blemish free skin.
people aren't clocks.
you cant se
Snuff Out My Little FlameIn the truest sense, I am much like a flame in so many different ways.
Can I count them, the reasons, off on my hands? Yes, perhaps on one, but it's still more than just comparing myself and leaving you, the unfortunate reader cursed with this unfortunate piece, hanging, no?
Burning bright with the potential of whatever it desires, providing hope for those around it; lighting the paths of worse-off, guiding them through their dark-riddled misery. Unwavering in the presence of the comforting and warm light, unwavering in the presence of the cruel and cold darkness-- something to admire for a beauty simply indescribable if one were to ask.
Ah, but with such qualities-- such a surface-- requires other, far more disgusting ones, right?
This light that burns so brightly, this flame that you think is there to protect and guide, why, I am not there for that at all-- I just happen to be in the right place at the right time. Problems of my own plague me so, and, upon my hours of need, t
BlinkBlink and suddenly you're 5 years old and you're running and jumping and exploring and you've skinned your knees and crying to mommy to kiss it and make it better because mommy's kisses make everything better
Blink and suddenly and suddenly you're 13 and gangly and awkward. You have breasts and all this extra weight that you don't know what to do with. They tell you you're a woman now but you don't feel any different
Blink and suddenly you're 17 and angry and rebellious and you cant understand why the world doesn't just understand you. You're screaming at mommy because she wont let you see the boy that she knows is going to break your heart. When he finally does, mommy tries to kiss it and make it better, but she cant heal you when you no longer believe you're worthy of love
Blink and suddenly you're 25 and you're stuck in a dead end job in a dead end town. You have a degree but you don't know what to do with it. You have a life or do you? Everyone keeps pushing you to look for Mr. Rig
A little message of hopeIf you feel like dying
Please don't believe what they say,
You have a right to live,
You have a right to stay.
I don't care what you believe in,
I don't care where you're from,
Just as long as you know what feelings are,
As long as you're beautiful,
Beautiful meaning that you can love.
All that matters is that you're human,
All that matters is that you have a heart.
Your life is not worth it only if you are a bad person,
But you're not a bad person,
There will always be people who will hate you
For whatever reason,
Whether it be reasonable or not,
But no matter what they say,
There are people out there who love you for you.
Out there there are millions willing to show you
Just how much they care,
Even though they might not have met you.
You don't have to have perfect teeth,
You don't need this hour-glass shape that society wants you to have,
You don't need to be a specific gender,
And hey, it's okay if you pull at your hair,
We all want to do that in some points of life
Dealing with Awkward Questions
Awkward Questions and How I Answer or Avoid Them
What is bigender?
Bigender, bi-gender or bi+gender describes a tendency to move between feminine and masculine gender-typed behavior depending on context. Some bi-gendered individuals express a distinctly "female" persona and a distinctly "male" persona, feminine and masculine respectively; others have shades of grey between the two. It is recognized by the American Psychological Association (APA) as a subset of the transgender group.
Are you a persona?
I am Melian!
Are you an OC?
I am Melian. I am very original and I do have a lot of character, thank you!
How old are you?
None of your beeswax bucko. Sheesh.
Are you a man or a woman (boy or a girl)?
No what I mean is, what gender/sex were you born as?
OH look a butterfly! Hey, what's your favorite color? Mine is purple. I like Skittles, do you like Sk
You have no idea
What I'm keeping to myself
I don't like you
Leave me alone
You would not
Last a day
In my mind
In my corruption
Your ignorance blinds you
Your venom destroys you
From the inside out
I don't want it
I don't need it
I have my own
And that's enough
Go to hell
I'll be waiting for you
You don't know
I do neither
Leave me alone
Or I'll make you regret
Anything you've done
In your blinding
You will REGRET
You will be GONE
I will DESTROY you
I will CORRUPT you
I will END YOU
IF YOU DO NOT GET
OUT OF MY WAY.
I'm not okay, i promiseAre you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine
Sure, you can't see it on my face, but I'm alright for today
Just because I don't hurt myself physically
Doesn't mean I'm less...
Hurt? Confused? Lost? Broken?
Really, stop worrying about me
I just don't know what.
'Out of the way and you kept to yourself.' Invisible Kid; Metallica
Life in a heartbeatHelp me, I’m drowning
Drowning in my crazy world of thoughts
The Fields are strangling me
Everything is fiction
Nothing is real
What happened? More importantly, what didn’t happen?
I know I am confused
Am I even myself?
Who is that? “Me”?
How can I respect myself if others don’t respect me? How can others respect me if I don’t respect myself?
I don’t know anymore
I don’t know anything anymore
The world around me appears surreal
Who will listen to me if I scream now? Why would I scream now?
I’ve been living a fake life
The life of someone elses
I can feel my heartbeat, low in my belly
But whose heartbeat is that?
MercyOh sweet God how the grassland
ignites in moonlight tonight
I must thank you for creating
her tangled fingers' slow pace
through the handsome rain Her
trochaic kinesthesia to rhythms
in Stravinsky's The Rite of
Spring Is this how you meant
for us to love you Yahweh
Tumbling clumsily down hills
of sheets into perpetually
immutable silence I could love
you like that I think I've been
practicing on this Savanna
for days and months Lost in
her crystal canvas Rolling crests
and troughs And when she touches
me Oh fair Lord I'm dragged into
your city past Gethsemane's
pulsing green and gold
Please hold us together
under this luminous stretch
Oh Father We are live
unclothed Our reflections awash
with the skin of your sun
Life is but a DreamWe are just unnourished frail bodies,
overfed with white lies and short-lived-euphorias.
Books filled with black letters,
etching lurid images into our utmost dreams.
Veering us from the big picture...
the one we fail to paint ourselves.
Our fists much too busy with fights,
that we are bound to lose.
Too occupied in line waiting,
for creativity to be let loose like a stray dog.
As if we will find home in this pursuit of happiness...
but we only enclose each other in small rooms
with nothing but old laptops.
How many times I've guessed which letter could it be...
Which letter could it be?
To free us from havoc-stricken-thoughts?
They come and go, unending like 24 hour subway stations.
There's no break for this lonely man,
heaving every breathe of stale air
into my overused lungs...
Living in confined walls of flesh
held up with brittle paper-mache bones.
Which day is it that I will burst out from this cage of a life?
And hover with the Gods found in carefully binded bo
Keep in Touch!
A two-time Community Volunteer for the deviantART Related category, Anne is well-known as a positive, helpful force. She is the community's resident expert when it comes to CSS (Cascading Style Sheets), and her personal gallery offers a wide variety of tutorials for new and experienced coders alike. In addition, each winter she hosts a calendar project encouraging members to create Journal designs for all to use, bringing more creativity to the community.
It is with immense gratitude that we acknowledge Anne as the recipient of the Deviousness Award for October 2014. Read More